For those new to the blog, I wanted to post an article written by my sweet husband on his blog China Ramblings! about the loss of our second child. This article will be archived under Infant Loss for the precious people who would like to learn more about our story, infant loss, who need encouragement, or are just looking for someone who has “been there.” This little boy changed my life forever and my prayer is for his story to impact the lives of others. 

 

Wesley Allen Wei

by Mark (China Ramblings!)

On February 16th, 2010, we went to the Doctor to find out about our baby that we were expecting in 19 weeks. At that time, we learned that our baby had what is known as “Body Stalk Anomaly.” (Basically, all the organs from the mid-chest down developed outside the body and attached themselves to the placenta. This condition makes the baby incapable of living outside the womb.) My wife and I both sat in the exam room crying as we were shocked and heart broken. We were both wanting a second child.

What to do?  From what we understand today, many people choose to terminate their pregnancy once they find out that their baby has a problem such as ours did. We knew and had settled long ago in our hearts that we wanted God to be honored with our lives and decisions. When my wife and I were married, she had a short phrase inscribed on the inside of my wedding band as a surprise. It says, “MAXIMUM GLORY.” Our desire as a couple and coming together in marriage was and is to bring God MAXIMUM GLORY with our lives, so we made a decision to continue the pregnancy. However, there was really no need to even verbalize it; we knew where each other stood. As stated in my original blog post on the news of our baby’s condition, we stated the following:

“The baby is currently living, and my wife will continue to carry the baby as long as it lives. We know the Lord is in control, and we will continue as normal to see what the Lord does….We will love this baby as long as it lives. We will tell it of it’s Creator and the love He has for us. We will tell it how it could soon be meeting Him….We are thankful that the Lord has given us this child. The LORD gives, and the LORD takes away; blessed be the name of the LORD. As the baby lives we will praise the Lord for everyday He has allowed us to have it, and once it passes on, we will continue to praise the Lord!”

Our hearts were set on the Lord, and the next 100 days were filled with joy and sadness. Life went on as “normal,” but in the back of our minds, we knew every day that my wife carried the baby would be a day closer to saying goodbye. Many prayed for a miracle or that the doctor’s diagnosis would be wrong, but my wife and I would talk about it, and we both knew that it wasn’t the Lord’s will for our baby to be healed. We knew deep inside that our baby would die, and the Lord gave us a peace that passes all understanding. Eventually, even though it hurt and still hurts, we were ok with it.

As we continued to traveled on deputation, we would meet new people, and have to tell our story what seemed over and over again. Baby showers were canceled, we were no longer excited about buying, clothes, toys, etc. It was a waiting period. A time of sadness. We received much encouragement from friends, family, and churches.

Appointment after appointment, things never got better. After 14 weeks and two days of waiting, on Thursday, May 27, 2010 at 6:35 AM, our little baby boy was stillborn.

We were admitted into the hospital on Tuesday morning of that week. The day was full of hustle and bustle with family and friends visiting us in the hospital. By Wednesday evening, we had made very little progress in the inducing process, and at midnight chose to send everyone home to get some rest. Our midwife had told us there was too much activity, and we needed to focus on what was taking place. She suggested having some alone time. After everyone was gone, I kneeled down along side my wife’s bed, with my hands on her belly and talked to our little baby. I told him he would probably be meeting Jesus soon and that would be much better than meeting his earthly parents. I told him I loved him, and it was okay for him to go ahead and go. I was really hoping and praying inside that we would get to spend a few minutes with our baby alive. I prayed there by her bedside and gave Him up to the Lord, as I had done before. Then my wife and I laid in the bed together holding each other for a while.

The night went on, and my wife became more uncomfortable and sick throughout the rest of the night. Around 6:30 AM, she called the nurse because she was feeling pressure and the nurse informed us that the baby was on it’s way. I watched as our baby was born. The process was over in just a few minutes. Though our baby did not come out alive, we were thankful that my wife was healthy. There were many factors that could of been very dangerous for my wife’s health (I won’t go into detail here,) but all of those were dismissed as the Lord answered our prayers on her behalf.

The nurses took the baby and made him presentable. We found out it was a boy! Then we were able to hold our little guy. He weighed 3 lbs and 2 oz and was 11 inches long. We had a professional photographer take some pictures for us to remember and cherish in the future. Many friends and family came to visit and were able to hold him as well. We named him Wesley Allen Wei.

On Friday morning, my wife and I said our goodbyes. We had him brought to the room, had a short family devotion, told him the Gospel, even though by that time, he probably knew the whole story, and then gave him a kiss and sent him away. my wife was released that same morning.

On Saturday, we had a small private graveside service at 10 AM. The small casket was opened for a short time for family to view him. I took a quick minute to challenge those who have watched our lives over that past few months to see God’s hand of comfort and peace in our lives and for them to trust Him as their Lord and Savior, and not only that but also to live their lives completely sold out for Him. Then, my pastor, Austin Gardner, shared a quick message on how our faith has been tested and proven, it is worth more than gold, and passing the test brings praise, honor, and glory to Jesus. After the service was over, I gave little Wesley a kiss, telling him goodbye and that I loved him.

Now as I write this, it has been three days since he was buried. I guess I am compelled to write and tell you, 1) we are thankful that the Lord has given us this child. The LORD gives, and the LORD takes away; blessed be the name of the LORD. As the baby lived we praised the Lord for everyday He allowed us to have him, and now that he has passed on, we are and will continue to praise the Lord! 2) We are not religious people or people of great faith but we serve a great God. Our hearts hurt and grieve for our little one, but the reason that we can have a peace and comfort that passes all understanding is because of who we have our faith in, Jesus Christ. We serve the only living and true God and have a relationship with Him through His Son.

Our hearts desire is that He will receive MAXIMUM GLORY, and as my wife so perfectly described it, we are on an “Amazing Journey.”

If you have experienced infant loss or miscarriage, please feel free to share your story or links that have been helpful to you during your time of grief in the comment section below. If your baby has been diagnosed with a disorder that you have been told is “incompatible” with life, please feel free to contact me personally. I would love to hear your story and help in anyway that I can. 
Love, Natasha

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